Getting outside the bubble


I was recently talking to my close friend recently who has a family member who is suffering from post-partum depression and feels so overwhelmed that she does not want to leave her house. Although I never suffered from post-partum depression, I definitely experienced the feelings of isolation after giving birth. I expressed that to my friend, who is also an ER nurse and has four kids. She agreed that motherhood can be isolating, however says it gets a lot easier as they grow older are more independent and involved in school and extracurricular activities. After giving birth to my son, I really wanted to prevent myself from being isolated. I looked up a local MOMs club and was determined to be involved and make friends with other moms and do activities. The first MOMs club meeting I was able to attend my son was 3 months old and was a Halloween picnic at a local park. Most of the kids were older and were running around on the playground. I awkwardly hung out with the other moms and tried to make some conversation. When a mom showed up with a baby my age I struck up a conversation with her and we immediately clicked. Our babies were the same age, and we started sharing stories and cracking up over all the chaos of being a new mom. She was a working mom too, unlike most of the other moms in the groups, and was soon going back to work as well so we chatted about daycares. I made a point of getting her number and wanted to arrange a play date. Unfortunately we both started back at work, and schedules just got too crazy where we were not able to meet up. The club didn't end up really working out for me. The playdates were often when I worked, and most of the kids were older where my son couldn't interact with them. That seems to be the hard thing as a working mom is having your own social life. The up side of being a working mom, is that I have plenty of adult conversation and stimulation at my work. I have a lot of coworkers who are working mothers, and understand what it's like. I hardly have the energy to make time for outing with my own friends anymore. It seems that the friends that don't have kids, or whose kids are grown, seem to drift due to lack of time and differing lifestyles. In the beginning my husband and I attempted to maintain our life the way it was before we had our son.  We were able to take him on a few trips and even  a camping trip. However, it's hard to get a sitter to hang out with friends, and it's even harder to just take your toddler out to a restaurant. On my days off I have intentions of leaving the house to do activities or playdates, but often don't feel like leaving the house. To be completely honest putting my son in and out of the carseat and missing his scheduled naps is so stressful to me that I would rather just stay at home. I think my friend was right; as my son gets older it will be easier to go places and socialize. He will be in activities,school functions, and we will become friends with other parents. For now I am thankful I have coworkers to socialize with, as well as four or five good  friends from over the years I keep in touch with on the phone and through e-mail. Honestly, having true old friends that know you well is something I can't place enough value on. My husband and I have become closer and work together better, as we are now working together as parents and spend more time than ever together. We've put aside a lot of our petty differences because we rely on each other for so much more now.  My advice to any new mom is your social circle will change, but as long as you have a good support system it won't matter. You will spend drastically more time at home, so learn to be comfortable with that. Know that this phase won't last forever, and you are not going to turn into a shut-in or hermit. Get outside when you can, but don't worry if you just feel like staying at home either.
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